So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
