Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
