Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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