If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
love makes seman taste better
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
