Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize