If i come over, it means nothing
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
