he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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