Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
