After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
