so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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