bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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