I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
