Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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