I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
