I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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