I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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