pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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