every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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