I wanna passion pit in your ass
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
not ubering you a puppy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
