he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
