Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
