im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
