he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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