dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
