sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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