I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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