so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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