I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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