In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
