I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
