mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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