I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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