Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
