a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize