bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
