we're blogging at a bar
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
