I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
time to smoke my breakfast
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
