Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
