Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize