Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
