But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
