when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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