After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Drunk is not a location!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
