Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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