It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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