birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
