I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
