She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
