And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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