I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
