shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
