i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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