Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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