Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
