This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize