We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
