I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
