Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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