I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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