if you like me you must not know who I am
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
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