He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
