I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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