you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
