I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
