but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
