it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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