Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
