best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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