Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
