I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
