you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
