I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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